I have read several blogs lately about struggles and the things that the Lord is doing in people's lives. One of them being my sister's blog. You should check it out (All Things Ada), it will bless your heart-it always does mine. And she is an excellent writer! She has her masters to teach English, so I am always wondering if she is secretly critiquing (sp?) my writing. J/K, LB-she isn't like that at all! Anyway, she was talking about how she is dealing with some surfacing bitterness (that she didn't even realize was there) over the things she has given up as a mom. I can certainly relate to that! I don't want to repeat everything she has said, but do want to echo that same thing that I certainly have/and continue to struggle with at times.
I feel very strongly that God has called me to stay at home with my children. Let me say that I absolutely feel more satisfied and fulfilled in my role as wife and mom than anything else I have ever done. But it is hard. Very hard. It requires more than any job I have ever had-BY FAR! It demands physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual strength-often on the spot. And so much wisdom-way more than I have. Which should always, always make me desperate for Christ and His Word. But here is the constant battle-I'm desperate for Him one minute and the next the flesh and pride creep in. I will often find myself going about my day without really examining my heart. I will often subconsciously think "I'm doing a pretty good job" and bam, Steven says something that didn't set well with me, or the kids are flipping out, and my reaction is not Christ-like, to say the least. And instantly the ugliness of my heart is revealed. Or maybe it's not so obvious. Things are going well on the surface and then I read something from His Word and the sin in my heart is not so subtle anymore. Steven often teaches that God's Word is like a road sign that reveals you are headed in the wrong direction-from 2 Tim. 2:16 "All Scripture is...profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness."
This very thing happened just the other day as I was reading from "Morning and Evening" by Charles Spurgeon. The verse is "You have been weighed in the balances and found wanting." -Daniel 5:27 He then writes, "It is good to regularly weigh ourselves in the scale of God's Word. You will find it a holy exercise to read some Psalm of David, and as you meditate upon each verse, to ask yourself, "Can I say this? Have I felt as David felt? Has my heart ever been broken on account of sin, as his was when he penned his penitential psalms?...Then turn to the life of Christ, and as you read, ask yourself how far you are conformed to His likeness. Then take the epistles, and see whether you can go with the apostle in what he said of his experience. Have you ever cried out as he did, "Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?" Have you seemed to yourself the chief of sinners, and less than the least of all the saints? If in this way we read God's Word as a test of our spiritual condition, we will often have good reason to pause and say, "Lord, I feel I have never yet been here. O bring me here!
I read it several times. I just thought he put it so well. So this is when my not-so-great writing skills really show up. I am trying to wrap all this up and am having trouble. But basically, I am thankful for His grace and mercy and that He is patient with me and that He is doing a sanctifying work in my life. And although I don't feel that I give this impression, I would never want anyone to think from this blog that I "have it all together". I am so extremely grateful for the life God has entrusted me with and I want to enjoy it to the fullest, BUT I am a sinner, and so are the other three people that live in my house :) We do not live in a fairytale, but I will not hesitate to say that my prayer is for Christ to be seen and exalted in me and my family. And that He will continue to bring me to the end of myself as a mom, because it is so true what LB said-that this life isn't about us, it is about bringing Him glory. And she's right, my life is His. And the less of Ann there is and the more of Christ there is, then the more the people around me are going to enjoy me.
7 comments:
I love you dearly, babes. You have always been real with me, and it's one of the things I cherish most about our relationship. I pray the same, and have the same struggles on a daily basis, and I'm so glad to have other moms like you to share it with!!! May God give you grace (and all of us) to be moms that glorify Him! I am so thankful and blessed to see you at home and content there, even when it's a struggle. Love you, R.
Ann,
Thanks for writing such a great post. It was such a great reminder for me and really spoke to me.
I just got through reading several of your post from the last few weeks. They were not only fun to read but an encouragement. I love children but I am often overwhelmed by the mere idea of having any. I feel like I have to have everything in my life "together" before I bring a little one into this crazy world. I'm not even sure what it was in your words, but somehow they gave me peace, rebuke, and a heart seeking forgiveness, all at once. I know, sounds crazy. I guess peeking into your life made me realize that the only way I'll have everything "together" is by bowing down to the Father...not an easy task for me. I felt the weight of the words you quoted about weighing yourself before God and realized my need to do it more. I also felt the love of your children in your words and it gave me excitement to one day start my own family. I KNOW...world's longest comment :) I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you for your post and thank you for your friendship, they have both been a blessing!
Great post Ann! I often too find it a hard balance between being real and also not wanting the world to think that I don't love the role that the Lord has called me too. I want to be positive on my blog, but would never want anyone to think I have it all together. If things go well today, it is the Lord's doing, because I could certainly screw it all up in the drop of a hat!! Talk to you soon.
Wow. What an encouragement!!! Thanks for posting!!!!!!!!!! Love, Steph
Wow..thanks so much for posting! :) I enjoy reading your blog sooo much!! :) And..I think that you write REALLY well! :)
-Hollen
hey, thanks for your sweet words. And, don't worry, I am actually not so good with grammar. I am constantly putting a million commas in my sentences that aren't even supposed to be there.
anyway...it's encouraging to feel not alone in all of these feelings!! And I like that you emphasized that this is the most fulfilling job you could have. I am afraid that I don't express that enough. Because I certainly want my blog to encourage moms to stay at home, not discourage them!! But at the same time, paint a realistic picture.
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